Neonatal Loss - Milestones and Transitions

Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Neonatal Losses are devastating for parents and their families.

The estimated figure is that miscarriage happens in around 1 in 4 recognized pregnancies, with 85% of those happening in the first trimester. 15% of miscarriages occur in the second trimester up to 20 weeks gestation.  Once the fetus / pregnancy has reached 20 weeks, the loss is considered a stillbirth.

About one in 125 pregnancies end in a stillbirth. 

The neonatal mortality rate is 3.4 neonatal deaths per 1000 live births.The term ‘neonatal loss’ describes the death of a child from birth to 12 months of age.

Although these figures may be statistics, they are not statistics when you are the one who has suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal loss.  This is your life, your baby and your profound loss.  Statistics become meaningless when the loss is experienced through your personal lens.

Pregnancy loss is generally unanticipated in a first pregnancy.  However, after one loss, most expectant parents are fearful during a second or subsequent pregnancy and are not able to fully ‘enjoy’ the pregnancy at least until the new pregnancy has advanced further than the one that was lost.

The rate of miscarriage is not new.  In today’s world, however, many share the news of a pregnancy widely and early---with family, friends and on social media.  Gender reveal parties are also popular.  In years past, mindful of early miscarriage, news of a pregnancy was often not shared until the milestone of 12 weeks had passed. 

Many pregnancy losses, including miscarriage, stillbirth and even neonatal death are still not recognized in our society.  When friends of family say things like:  ‘it’s for the best’; or ‘you can always get pregnant again’, or ‘it was God’s will’, your profound loss [and you] are not recognized or deemed legitimate and you are left to mourn on your own without any support or even kindness.

When a child dies from SIDS [Sudden Infant Death Syndrome] or from a recognized medical condition, parents are overcome with loss, grief, despair and sometimes feel that they cannot go on without the child they so wanted and so loved.  Each person’s loss is his or her own; it is not necessary to compare losses; each person and each parent mourns differently.  There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to mourn.  Your experience is your own.

We, at Milestones & Transitions, understand how necessary it is for you to mourn your loss because only through this grieving process will you be able to move forward.

Grieving process is a healthy process; it is your pathway to the future.  You will not forget the child you bore and loved; one of our goals will be to help you incorporate your child into your heart and into your life.

We have experience and expertise in working with those who have suffered these profound losses. We are here to listen [truly listen], recognize and support you through your shock, disbelief, anger and sadness.  

Contact us for an initial 20 minute complimentary consult.  There is no ‘schedule’ or fixed format for our work together.  We may meet on one or two occasions; we may meet for 6 or 8 sessions or we may meet for more.

Many employee benefit plans and extended health care plans cover, in part, the fees of a Registered Social Worker. 

We are here to walk this journey with you.

Concerned about Covid-19 - Milestones and Transitions

Covid-19 - Milestones and Transitions

Are you facing challenges to your mental health?  Are you overwhelmed with worries about money, your job, your kids, your parents?

Everyone is experiencing CHANGE and most people are experiencing some degree of STRESS as we face the new reality of Covid-19 in our lives.  Many are still under ‘Stay at Home’ orders; many are not able to visit with parents, grandparents, children and friends.  Did a friend or relative die and you were not able to have or attend a funeral for him or her?

As our communities are beginning to open up, we are facing new worries.  Am I safe to go out?  Can I go to more than one store each day? 

At Milestones & Transitions, we are three experienced social workers able to offer you support.  We are here to listen to your fears; we are here to help you strategize as you try to cope with the extreme interruptions in your usual routines; we are here to strategize with you and offer insight and guidance.

Our services may be covered in part by your employee benefit plan or extended health care coverage.  We can offer a sliding scale to you if you need.  Visit our website and contact us for a complimentary 20 minute telephone or video consult. 

We can work with you wherever you are by videoconferencing using Zoom or other platforms. 

Please reach out.  We are ready to help as you navigate this new world.

Adoption Services | Adoption Reunion - Milestones and transitions

Genealogical websites like ancestry.com and 23andme.com have transformed the Adoption world.   Years ago, an adopted person wanting to access his or her original birth records and social history information, had to jump through many hoops, and even after doing so, there will still lots of barriers.  Adoption Reunion was not even a possibility that adoptive or birth parents could conceive of in earlier times.

    

From the 1940’s through the 1980’s in North America [and in other parts of the world, too], typically governments formed even more layers of government institutions and administrivia to ‘help’ adult adoptees and named birth parents [this left out an awful lot of birth fathers who had never been named on birth certificates] access both non-identifying and sometimes identifying information.  In many instances, the parties were able to put vetoes on their information being released and some governments instituted stiff fines and even jail time for contravening a veto.  Talk about punitive!

Many self-help organizations were born to help adult adoptees and their birth families find each other, but the parties usually still had to go through the governments’ gates [often locked ones at that].

Ancestry.com and 23andme.com and other genealogical websites have dramatically changed the playing field and Adoption Reunion has become an important part of many adoption stories.

One of the most important ‘findings’ from these websites are the discovery of relatives one may never even have known existed.  And Adoption Reunion or Finding My Birth Parents or Finding the Child I placed for Adoption years ago suddenly became accessible and relatively easy.

But [and it’s a big ‘but’], this new and unexpected information has shaken many to their core.  There a men clearly identified by their DNA as fathers who never even knew they fathered a child!  Women who kept their pregnancy a secret from everyone [even their parents and sibling] who have suddenly been ‘found’ by the child they placed for adoption.  This new information is almost always overwhelming!  It can be exciting; it can ‘suddenly’ answer so many questions a person may have felt about him or herself and perhaps not fitting in to the family who raised him or her.  It can provide a sense of peace to birth parents who always wondered what happened to their child.  It can also strike fear into the hearts of those who were promised absolute confidentiality.  Remember, Open Adoption [fully identified adoption] is a relatively new phenomenon [since the late 1980’s] and many birth parents were told they would forget about the child.  [P.S.  they never did forget].

So…..YOU have suddenly received all this genealogical, DNA information about yourself.  What to do?  For many, it makes sense to consult with an Adoption Reunion specialist to:  examine and work through the information; consider it and think about who and when you might contact ‘new’ relatives and perhaps even ask the Adoption Reunion counselor to make the initial, sensitive, discreet contact with your birth relative.  And…..what about your parents?  Your adoptive parents?  When might you involve them?  Your birth parents?  An Adoption Reunion specialist can help you consider various scenarios.  Perhaps your birth parent will be grateful to hear from you.  Perhaps she or he never told her or his spouse and other children that you were born.  How might you feel when you find out that an aunt is actually your birth mother?  You may feel you have been lied to all your life by the people you thought were there to love and provide for you.

Adoption Reunion is fraught with so many things; so many considerations.  At Milestones & Transitions, we would suggest that all persons have the right to know about their origins.  We are here to work with you [and your families], walk the journey with you, offering support, wisdom from our experience and will act on your behalf to reach out to those you have found.

It really is a new world.  We are experts in Adoption and Adoption Homestudies and we are here to support you if you wish.  Contact us at:  info@mandt.ca or 416 486 1056 for a complimentary telephone or video consult.  Through the advances in telecommunications, we can work with you no matter where you are!